I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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