I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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