Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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