You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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