My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
