you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
