I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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