TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
