you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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