I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
