your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
