dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
