How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
