I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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