Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
