doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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