I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
