Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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