you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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