She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
vagina is talking i cant
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
