all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize