Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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