your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
