i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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