is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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