Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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