The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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