then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
