There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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