I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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