She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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