Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
