Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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