I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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