I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
