kristin has been a bad kristin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
