I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cut my penus on the lid.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
