Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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