i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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