I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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