Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
