Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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