The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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