Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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