Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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