You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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