Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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