Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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