Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
