So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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