its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
