what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
