It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize