While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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