Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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