Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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