Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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