ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
