Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
