8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize