I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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