Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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