I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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