do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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