They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
