I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize