I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
