p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
