i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
