haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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