okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
