Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Barsexuality is the new black.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
