Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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