sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
