oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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