you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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