She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
did i walk over a car last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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