I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
