Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
